I post a lot about how great sober life is. This post will end on that message too, but I feel like I must talk about the tough times that are inevitably sprinkled in between. Prior to the past few days, which have been better, I was in one of the bigger funks of my now nearly two-year recovery journey. A lot of positive and exciting things were happening for me, but I was wholly unimpressed. Despite my best attempts, I just felt numb, unexcited, and unmotivated. Usually, I can identify the issues and fix them pretty quickly but this one just dragged on and I couldn’t pinpoint a cause.
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think a couple of drinks sounded good. Just to feel something. I tried all sorts of things to try and snap out of it, but it seemed like nothing worked. I’ve been sober long enough to understand that these periods happen and I knew that if I just kept doing what I was supposed to and didn’t do anything drastic that it would eventually pass. But, boy, that is easier said than done. The worst part is that now I’m a facilitator of a SMART Recovery meeting and my job is to lead and encourage positive discussions on recovery. That’s difficult when you really aren’t feeling it yourself.
I wish there was some magical advice I could give here, but I literally just had to ride it out and have faith in my process. I leaned on the tools that I have developed over the past two years and just did my best to get through without picking up a substance. Sometimes, that’s all you can do. Writing has been a big tool for me in my recovery process, but I couldn’t even motivate myself to write. Nothing was coming out, just numbness and indifference. I had to really stay on myself to keep up the basics… taking my meds, eating right, and sleeping right. My studies for school suffered and I got so far behind in my writing class that I just had to let it go and take the fail which I’m not proud of.
I still don’t really know what was wrong but I’ve been feeling better the past few days. I post this for a couple of reasons. One, to show that even two years into recovery, not everything is always rainbows and roses. Two, to share that sometimes all you can do is ride out the bad days or weeks and just have faith that it will pass. It is important to lean on the tools you’ve developed and keep up with the basics.
It’s also important to revisit the funk that you were in a few days after getting past it. Reflecting on it provides perspective. Examine what helped you through and what helped you get over it. Even if that was just getting through it, be proud of that. Sometimes just not picking up that substance or addictive activity through a stressful time is reason for celebration. I know that some celebratory hot wings are in my near future to reward myself for my patience and determination. Whatever you do, take some time to reflect on the tough times and to be grateful for being in a better place.
With all of that said, I am finally feeling some excitement about the positive things that have been happening. I am re-energized and optimistic about the future. I started a new class in school today, intervention crisis, and am excited to get off to a great start despite the amount of writing that I see is required for this class. I have great opportunities in the works that I can’t talk about yet. That spark and energy are just back. I wish I could explain it, but I’m just gonna be grateful for it. I’m grateful that my recovery is solid enough that those urges to drink in order to feel something weren’t acted on.
Have you ever had an unexplained funk that you just couldn’t get over? How did you handle it? How did you reward yourself for getting through it? Let me know in the comments below. And, as always, be sure to like and share this post if you found it relevant or useful. If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe for updates and future posts.